Sunday, August 30, 2009


I would never curse God. But that doesn't mean I don't want to. Let me explain...

I have been talking about writing for several years. I have accepted the fact that writing is my gift. I love to write. I wish I could do it 24/7. BUT life prevents it. I mean, there always seems to be more important things for me to do. I never get to really sit down and just write.
School just started back. Suddenly, I have two short story ideas I would love to focus on. I have to work. I have papers to grade. I have lessons to prepare. I wonder why I didn't get these ideas during the summer when I had time to concentrate on them.
All I want to do is write. I feel I am filled with so many ideas to share with the world. I have so many ways I want to help others--through my writing and in other ways. I am so frustrated because I wonder why God gives me these dreams and then............. I am just frustrated.
I am sick of being financially inept. I know I have poor money management skills. I beg You to help me. I am tired of living paycheck-to-paycheck. I want to be free.
I am 34 years old. I have not been in a relationship in over ten years. I long to be a wife and mother. Why would God give me those desires if He does not want me to have those things? How much longer must I wait? How much can one heart take? How much loneliness and solitude can one person have?
I don't want to doubt You, Lord. I know the fact that I am not writing as a career has a reason. I know that not being a mother and wife has a purpose. I know You make no mistakes. I'm just frustrated down here. I know You know my pain and sense my frustrations. I know You have caught my tears in a vial. I am just frustrated and needed to let some of it out.
I will wait patiently on You...

Deo Volente,
Step Brown

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Have You Ever...

Have you ever had a feeling that something is about to change in your life? You cannot describe the emotion or even pinpoint where it's coming from. You just know that you know that you know that you know a change is coming.
For the first time, in a long time, I am at peace with my job at Biloxi High School. I am not disgruntled about my classes or my students. I just have a "It is what it is" mentality.
Yet, there is something on the inside of me, reminding me that it is all going to be fine and I will get to where I am supposed to be. God is in charge and that is all I need to know.
So with that, I say may the Lord's will be done. Where he leads, I want to follow.

I'm just saying...

Deo Volente,
Step Brown