Frustrations

I would never curse God. But that doesn't mean I don't want to. Let me explain...

I have been talking about writing for several years. I have accepted the fact that writing is my gift. I love to write. I wish I could do it 24/7. BUT life prevents it. I mean, there always seems to be more important things for me to do. I never get to really sit down and just write.
School just started back. Suddenly, I have two short story ideas I would love to focus on. I have to work. I have papers to grade. I have lessons to prepare. I wonder why I didn't get these ideas during the summer when I had time to concentrate on them.
All I want to do is write. I feel I am filled with so many ideas to share with the world. I have so many ways I want to help others--through my writing and in other ways. I am so frustrated because I wonder why God gives me these dreams and then............. I am just frustrated.
I am sick of being financially inept. I know I have poor money management skills. I beg You to help me. I am tired of living paycheck-to-paycheck. I want to be free.
I am 34 years old. I have not been in a relationship in over ten years. I long to be a wife and mother. Why would God give me those desires if He does not want me to have those things? How much longer must I wait? How much can one heart take? How much loneliness and solitude can one person have?
I don't want to doubt You, Lord. I know the fact that I am not writing as a career has a reason. I know that not being a mother and wife has a purpose. I know You make no mistakes. I'm just frustrated down here. I know You know my pain and sense my frustrations. I know You have caught my tears in a vial. I am just frustrated and needed to let some of it out.
I will wait patiently on You...


Deo Volente,
Step Brown